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I've long since been aware of the fact that it is socially acceptable amongst many African Americans to proudly state one's attraction to dark-complexioned Blacks. A brother can proclaim "I love my chocolate sisters" and get props from not just the darker honeys, but a lot of the light ones too. A sister can put it out there that she is only interested in dark skinned men without being deemed prejudiced or ignorant, minus some complaints from light skinned men.

Now imagine someone making the opposite statement, regardless of their complexion. A Black man acknowledging a preference for light-skinned women might as well have "I HAVE ISSUES!" tattooed on his forehead. A Black woman may not be judged quite as harshly for preferring yellow brothers, but she will still be considered to be confused.

Why the double standard? I have two theories. The most obvious being that because darker-complexioned folks have been the greater victims of the legacy of slavery's caste system, celebrating them serves as a criticism of their disenfranchisement. There hasn't been a time in Afro-American history where being light-skinned made one vilified or considered less-attractive, so there is no widespread need to celebrate or convince ourselves that "light is beautiful". That notion has been shoved in our faces for far too long.

I also believe that Black people tend to associate darker skin with authentic Blackness. As a result, when we hear someone laud the looks of a darker brother or sister, we subconsciously interpret this as an affirmation of their appreciation for Blackness. Thus, a Black man proclaiming his appreciation for dark skin and kinky hair is celebrating his Black heritage, whereas a Black man extolling the beauty of light skin and curly hair is revealing his self-hatred or color issues.

Yesterday, I discussed "light skin points" awarded to Black women of lighter hues, which help them to move higher on the attractiveness scale with some folks, regardless of how pretty they actually are. That was the ugly "upside" to being light and here is the ugly downside: light-skinned folks often times find their Blackness being questioned. Over the years, I have constantly gotten the same response in conversations about the color complex: "Why do you care?" I guess because I'm light skinned, I'm not supposed to be bothered when my darker sisters don't find themselves represented on magazines or television enough, or when some ignorant man states that he don't like dark-skinned women.

I've heard a few people lament the fact that yellow folks tend to be the most militant, as if we have something to prove. Is that really the case? Or is your colonized mind unable to process why someone who seemingly could escape some of the perils of Blackness would choose to not only accept, but totally immerse themselves in it? Why is a dark-complexioned militant simply "a militant", but a light-skinned one has something to prove? Are light-skinned people really the most militant, or do you just notice it more when the person has paler skin?

A lot of folks will have you believe that the "real" or "regular" Black girl, the true "Soul Sister" is dark-skinned. That's ridiculous. I do not see in degrees of Blackness based on complexion. You may behave in ways that distance yourself from the community, which is a whole different issue. But having wavy hair or tan, freckled skin doesn't make one any less of a sister than she who has a perfectly kinky 'fro and ebony skin. Who's more of a committed soul sister than Angela Davis? Or Kathleen Cleaver? What about bell hooks or Sonja Sanchez? Ntozake Shange? If those aren't real deal Soul Sisters, then I don't know who is.

I think light-skinned Black men suffer far more when it comes to the issue of complexion and "authentic Blackness". Whereas plea Black women have been lauded for their physical proximity to the universal standard of beauty, lighter hued Black men perhaps suffer for their closer resemblance to the much-hated White man? We've labeled our light-skinned men "pretty boys" and in our community's long-FAILing attempt to carve out a working image of Black manhood, we tend to seek a hyper masculine ideal. The feminized image of a "pretty" man turns many women off. The whole thing is crazy, as 1) not all light-skinned men (cute, not-so cute and otherwise) are pretty boys and 2) not all pretty boys are light-skinned.

This, to me, is a serious problem. I have heard many a woman state her preference for dark-skinned men. I can name a few times when a friend was describing a man that they considered hooking me up with and adding "but, he's light-skinned" as it if it were a possible deal-breaker, or saying "he's not chocolatey enough for you", assuming that because I am militant, my desired man must look straight outta the continent. Wrong! I likes my men ALL shades of Black!

Given my other color hangups, I wouldn't be surprised had I had the same affliction, were my father not so pale. Like a lot of women, I tend to be attracted to men who remind me of my father (physically and otherwise). So there have been a number of tall, light-skinned honeys who have caught my eye. Shoot, if the other sisters don't want you, I do! I love my Idris Elba-types too, but so does EVERYONE else. I'm not competing for a man, so whilst y'all duke it out over the Malik Yoba lookalike, I'll slide on up to the Christopher Williams-eqsue dude sitting alone in the corner!

I personally don't think it's cool to have a preferred complexion to date. Something about that just seems BEYOND wrong. However, preference can be subconscious and not always rooted in self-hatred or colorism. Plus, there is the difference between preference and complete bias, which means that you wouldn't date outside of whatever color line you have drawn for yourself.

Blackness belongs to all of us. I don't let my darker brothers and sisters hold any additional claim to that which is Negritude, nor do I let my lighter kinfolk claim some sort of distance from it. At the end of the day, I am because we are. And we are screwed up. We need to hold the mirror up to these issues and work through them or else our children will be moaning the same moan our parents did. A wise man once pointed at Q-Tip, who then said "Black is Black". Though I bet if you point at Q-Tip now, he wouldn't notice because he'd be too busy slobbing down some 23-year-old European model. Damn you, Kamaal.


Who's gonna save our souls now?
Sister Toldja