Crush, Kill, Destroy

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via The Beautiful Struggler - Me, Myself and Eye

So, I was up until five AM yesterday trying to chase the mouse out of my bedroom. It was really sad. Long story short, I cried, I stared at the mouse as he traipsed around my room like it was his private beach, I tried to kill him and I failed. So, for the time being, the bedroom is his and I have to sleep in the living room. My back hurts from sleeping curled up on one end of the couch with a broom in my hand and I want to kill myself. Just in case you were wondering.

I managed to cheer myself up a little bit watching You Tube videos and what do you know, I got my swag back. Or at least temporarily. I can't wait 'till I get my ninja death kitty. I'm hoping to have a fluffy little ball of love and mousecide within the next two weeks. Any name suggestions? I always wanted a cat named Chairman Meow, but I might do something cutesy like Mittens*, Pumpkin or Sparkle. Do not judge me. There is an incredible level of cool one has to posses to get away with stuff like that, and I am one of the few folks who has it.

Him too. Ayyyyy.....

True Brooklyn story: I was in the bodega recently purchasing the illest 25 cent ice cream sandwich. I really wish I had never tried them, cause they are so bomb and so addictive. Anyway, a group of young street toughs is arguing with the cashier and presumed store owner. They are bombarding this man who is at LEAST 15 years their senior with insults such as "Suck my dick" and "Nigga, I will slap the fuck out of you", etc. You see how good those ice cream sandwiches are, cause I didn't walk out in disgust. Anyway, this continues as the man rings the guys up-yes, they hate him SO much, but they are still giving him their money. Mind you, this is Bed Stuy and you can't spit without hitting a bodega. Finally, one of them ends with "Man, y'all niggas blew shit up in Manhattan, but y'all ain't did shit in Brooklyn! That shit would never happen here!"

Oh yeah! You got him there! Terrorists would NEVER bomb no shit in BROOKLYN, son! They are far too scared of the real G's like you, who I am sure have all types of methodology for defending themselves against a large scale massacre. Ooh, you is soooo gangsta! And surely your patronage of a store owned or staffed by someone you hate is only a part of your gangsta borough-domination plan, which is too complex for my bourgeois mind to understand. I am awed by your G, sir. Simply awed.

Heaven, I need a drink.
Sister Toldja

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