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AllUrbanGossip.com – All the latest black gossip!/

Oh, how I am glad this week is over! I've just been overwhelmed with stuff. You ever feel like everybody just needs something from you? Bah humbug, son. I'm not feeling it. Why is it so cold in New York? When did this happen? We didn't have fall at ALL it seems. My winter coats both look a baggy crazy mess now, much like most of my wardrobe. I have like five outfits that actually fit. It's so cold in NYC.

Five For Friday: The things, people and places that are getting on my nerves the MOST these days. If you love me, you will help me destroy them be positive and try to focus on something else. Let's go!

1) Beyonce


For as much as I have complained about Mrs. Carter, I will always admit that B-Day went hard in the club. And I thank her for that. However, she's irking me more than ever these days. For one, both her new singles are weak. "If I Were A Boy" sounds like some adult-contemporary Sheryl Crow, Melissa Etheridge type of nap-inducing mess. I like the video though and two points to the director for that little biting social commentary (her cheating on her loyal husband with a White dude at work...that wasn't on accident people!) And "Single Ladies" is just a weak "Get Me Bodied" redux and I LOVE "Get Me Bodied". If you gonna reach back and revisit, at least do it better the second time. But what REALLY is pissing me off about Beyonce is the fact that she keeps getting opportunities to fuck up movies. Etta James? Mess. EARTHA KITT? That's just unacceptable. My biggest fear about dying is that Beyonce could be allowed to play me in my life story. I have to make sure that no matter what, I die after she does for that reason.


2)The Subway

Bridges to nowhere.

Despite the refusal of the A and C trains to run on a consistent, normal schedule with no weekend closings, I don't have a problem with the train service. It's pretty reliable. However, since I gave up driving all together and became a monthly pass girl...I don't think I've seen but two attractive men on the NYC subway EVER! What the hell? When I was in high school, I used to see cute dudes on the bus and train all the time. It was like the Coke commercial with Tyrese, minus the singing and the chin piercing. Now it's just a bunch of short Latino men making me uncomfortable. Is there a tall, pretty Black girl who is out there getting on 4'7 immigrants and giving them hope? I'm just saying. They seem a little confused. But seriously, everyone in New York takes the train, so where are the cuties? Is there a secret cute Black man line I don't know about?



3) Being A Woman

"Girl, I feel like someone just kicked my uterus in!"

Y'all know I revel in my femininity and I love all things girl. However, between the street urchins clocking me and the monthly assault on my womb, I am about ready to quit. My menstrual cycle feels like a backdoor abortion. TMI? Sorry...NOT.

4)Sarah Palin

The devil wears Tina Fey glasses.
I don't care how many children or grandchildren she has (clearly, neither does she), I try to force death on this woman with my eyes every time I see her. I am convinced she is the actual devil. There cannot be a worse person in the world. Congratulations Fergie, someone just saved your ass from the top of my Hate List.

5) Food

The car represents my diet. The muffin represents muffins.

Why's everything that's 'posed to be bad make me feel so good? Lord knows all I want is to lose a measly 25 more pounds. That's nothing! But I got muffins (aka "cake with denial in lieu of icing") and cookies all in my face trying to hold me back. God, please, save me from myself! If I get diabetes and die, then Beyonce's gonna play me in my life story! Nooooooooooo!

....and that's yet another reason for you to donate to the cause, guys! This is my final plea, I'm walking for diabetes THIS SUNDAY in New York City. Please click here and give a little something, something. I appreciate it and so does God.

Amen!
Sister Toldja