Just A Baby Boy, You Not The Real McCoy

via The Beautiful Struggler - Me, Myself and Eye

Reporting to you live from the South Side of Chicago, I bid you good morning!I am having a GREAT time, despite my friends and family's inability to indulge my desire to club every night.

So, I am jacking a statement from a fella on the Twitter who comments on this blog. I won't say his name, even though he made it in a public space, unless he chooses to step forward and defend it. He is a nice guy, so I know from the interweb and our mutual real-life friend, but I can't get with this right here:

"men are like kids, we're gonna do what u let us and push the limits to see what we can get away with"

No Limit, say what? No Limit say WHAAAAT? I've heard this sentiment in so many words on many occasions and it draws mine ire each time. As I have said recently, I love Black men* enough to have standards for them. Standards and expectations. Allowing the mindset that it's okay for grown men to walk around like lil' Man Man and Ray Rays is not showing love. Allowing excuses (as opposed to reasons) is not showing love. And I'm not showing myself nor my sistren any love by allowing the weight of blame to constantly be placed on our shoulders.

If this statement is correct, it would mean that women are responsible for the stunts men pull when they allow it. This is what is commonly referred to as VICTIM BLAMING. And while an adult woman does have some responsibility for the amount of foolishness she allows in her life, that is not to say that labelling men 'childlike' and absolving them from blame is fair or reasonable. If there is any sexism in that statement, I'd call misandry as opposed to misogyny: to imply that men are incapable of having feelings or a moral compass and that they must be parented or governed by women is pretty over the top. Are we to now believe that there is a 'woman's burden' to civilize and rear adult men?

Women and men tend to be wired differently, this we know. However, if what this young man has said is true, then how is it that gay men are able to function in healthy, loving relationships without a woman there to civilize them? Why are their lesbians who find themselves used and abused by other women? Why are their straight men who are doting, attentive and loyal lovers to women who push and shove and get away with romantic murder?

Most importantly, for the men who subscribe to this notion (and regrettably, there are many) why WOULD you push the limits of a woman to see what you can get away with? What is to be accomplished from abusing the boundaries of someone who cares about you? A lot of these guys actually reject the girls who let them get away with murder because they think she's weak or dumb; while that may be true, these young men themselves mustn't have much self-esteem if they can't embrace the idea that maybe someone just thinks they are worth the trouble. Nor do they realize that many sisters have had the fear of the man-shortage drilled so far in their heads that they feel they have no choice but to deal with some bull.

In closing, any man who feels that it is acceptable to behave like a child is just that: a child. He is not worthy of respect, he is a lowly miscreant who doesn't respect himself, nor the women in his space. If you find anything appealing about pushing a woman's boundaries just to see what she'll let you do, do all of us a favor and push yourself off of a building.

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