Five For Friday: Ire and Desire

via The Beautiful Struggler - Me, Myself and Eye

It's Friday, it's fall, the weather is beautiful. We made it. I am looking forward to copious amounts of fun with friends this weekend and preparing the first batch of my legendary bread pudding of the season. I hope you have some madness or at least some private times and the whole nine planned for yourself this weekend as well.

I was long overdue for an ABS! reference, so I had to create an opportunity to make one.

Five For Friday time! Let's have fun. I feel like I am constantly engaged in a debate over gender politics and dating norms/mores, which I love. Recently, I have seen some of the newer, 'heading towards age 25' sensibiltities kick in when it comes to my personal taste. Here are a few of my non-negotiables at this stage in umy life. What are yours?

1) Talk Like Sex Positive

Language. I'm obsessed with it. One of my random fantasy careers involves studying the etymology of slang (I told y'all I figured out how "boo" came to be long ago). Much of my fascination with words has to do with how their weight is so often unknown to the speaker and how certain terms reveal things unintentionally.

Case in point: the words 'cut', 'pipe', 'beat', 'slice', 'beat', etc for sex. No. NO. I understand that things can be used in jest and that even long time respectful lovers can use words that sound like that and not be revealing something poisonous. However, those terms are violent and harsh; they imply a very troubling dynamic between the male and female* in question. How do I look letting a man 'cut' me? That sounds awful. These are words that someone who is still talking to their friends about their lovers like a teenager would use: "I beat that thang up", et. al. It verbally renders the woman an object to be used, abused even. I don't care if it's a casual relationship or a love affair, I need for my partner to respect me more than that.

2)...In Time

There is nothing I hate more than when a man brings up sex early on in a courtship. Yes, I said courtship. I am a f*cking lady, I do courtships and sh*t. Seriously, while I am aware that most men have already decided if they are willing to have sex with you the second they peeped you, y'all know that it takes women a bit more time to vet their candidates. I don't personally live by some Steve Harvey book that mandates a 3 month background check or whatever, but I also don't have any interest in discussing sexual intercourse on our second conversation. Even if I am feeling you that way, I personally find it kind of wack. It seems thirsty and it's a turn-off, especially if you were walking the 'potential love'/'friend zone' line anyway. Instead, start talking about a book. Then, I'll probably want to kiss you and tell my friends "Girl, he is so in-tell-a-gent. HE READ!"

3)Transmission: Lost

I am a smart girl. I am very perceptive. If they had a Masters of Context Clues, I'd probably graduate in two months. I have been accused of cheating in charades more than a few times. However, when it comes to guys and flirtation/interest, I'm seriously deficient. Unless it is completely overt, rest assured, I didn't pick up on it. One day, one of my male friends is gonna propose to me and I'll be like "We were dating?" So in order to have an application processed for a ticket to Toldjapalooza, I require a clear, concise statement of interest...and I probably still wont get it. Perhaps a note? "Do you like me? Check yes or no." That would probably do the trick.

4) No No Homo

A guy who uses the words "No homo" or "pause" constantly has probably also used the words "Please, daddy, harder" at some point. I always assume homophobic men are gay. And even if they aren't, they might as well be, as they are not worth considering for my companionship. It's not because I have gay friends, it's because I think homophobes are scum, absurd and a detriment to all humanity, especially the Black community. I've written off a few guys for being infected with the anti-gay and I will likely have to do it again.

5) The World Is Ours

I don't expect everyone to have the same worldview as I, even though I AM pretty sure that if you all just followed my advice we'd all be happy. Being a Black nationalist feminist places me in a space that is left of left of center and that's fine. I have some surprisingly conservative views as well. Could I deal with a paramour who's thoughts were antithetical to mine? Probably not. I'd likely laugh a Black Republican right out of my life. But what I really cant stand is when a man has no connection to the world outside of himself and his nearest/dearest. Not everyone wants to hop in the trenches, but to completely disregard all notions of obligation to community or society at large? I bid you adieu.

I hope that every body's weekends are filled with love and light!
Sister Toldja

*If we are referring to a male and female coupling. I am trying to be less hetrosexist in my language, please be patient.

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