Let's Talk About Sex-Postive, Part 1

via The Beautiful Struggler - Me, Myself and Eye

I've come to belong to a few diverse communities of thinkers on and off the net, and I communicate with these people quite frequently here and on Twitter. I've got my social-media folks, my feminist friends, my Afro-Boho tribe, my buppies, my Howard people, Chitown homies, etc.

Me too, Chaka!

Sometimes the convergence can be a delicate dance to choreograph. Yesterday's post was about boobs. As can be expected, there was loads of middle school-level titty (word) play in the conversation that ensued on Twitter. I was happy. I like sex and bodies, I like sex and body jokes and sex and body talk. That is, so long as it is done in a safe space and with respect.

But you know what I couldn't help but to wonder? "Are my feminist followers judging me?" I felt like the girl who stood up in class and gave a whole speech about women's liberation, only to go in the hallway and let the captain of the basketball team pop her bra strap. What about my Black nationalist peoples? Are they feeling like I forgot it was "nation time", cause I want to joke about why breasts are more sexually practical than butts. Am I making my causes look bad?

I've never lived in one lane. I realize that's one of the many potentially hard-to-swallow things about me. In college there were a few people perplexed by my passion for both Black nationalism and booze fests. I am who I am and I love it, most days. I won't change for anyone, though I am willing to adapt as necessary. But while I rarely fall short of my personal behavioral standards, I can't go on and pretend that everyone functions as I do. The world outside of myself is one marred by oppression and to survive, I have created my own world of freedom. Freedom of movement, freedom of expression.

**Throw some poetry snaps on my shit, will you?**

Sometimes, I have to remind even myself that feminism is NOT about destroying all notions of traditional femininity or the death of loving sex and men, but rather the freedom to embrace them IF you wish! You aren't a woman because you like wowing men in sexy lingerie and you aren't less of one if you don't. Being open and honest about sexuality is healthy. I want to travel light in this world and with all the issues I have chosen to champion, that's not always possible. Finding the fun and the joy in sexuality, a topic that is so often the source of a lot of that weight I have strapped to my back, helps to make the journey a lot easier.

As I get older, my true causes reveal themselves to me. One of which I am currently discovering is the need for women to feel beautiful and sexy in their skin. I think what birthed that passion for me is arriving at that place myself. It had less to do with improving my appearance than it did accepting my body as MY body. At this very moment, I can't have a better body than the one I have at this very moment. Thus, it's the best one I could possibly have. Does that make sense? It doesn't have to. Even when I was at my most insecure, I felt somewhat sexy. And now my sexiness is starting to take on that real grown woman quality. I recognize it and I love it. Do other people find me sexy? Sure, but that's irrelevant here. This is a solo mission and I am inviting all the other ladies to embark upon their own one if they haven't already.

I can't tell you what feeling of sexy looks like for you, because it may be quite different than it is for me. My sexy smacks of lace and perfume; for some women, it's cotton shorts and a fitted cap. But I do know that your personal body worship service isn't the time for you to regret where your workout regimen has fallen short or how anything is too small or too big or not right. You gotta either see past the "flaws" or embrace them. Worry over the things you love, not those you can't change overnight.

There are a few things that I do for myself that help make me feel super sexy. I'm sharing them in hopes they may inspire you to find your own sensual rituals. No matter where I am going or what I have on, I always wear matching underwear. And I do not own a single cotton undergarment; everything is lace or satin or a damn good imitation of them. I use great smelling lotions and potions everyday and I appreciate the feeling of my skin when I put them on. I listen to sexy music when I'm getting dressed: Van Hunt, Maxwell and Tony, Toni,Tone are on the constant 'getting ready' rotation. And I dance in the mirror in my undies everyday before I leave the house! I don't think I ever told anyone that, but I've been doing it for years. How could I not look at that sexy lady in front of me and indulge her in a little slow wine? This may sound a little silly, but there is a song that I have on my iPod ("Come Live With Me, Angel") and when I hear it, I think of myself and I feel good.

I want men to embrace their sexiness and feel empowered and loved in relation to their bodies as well. However, I am not as equipped to give that pep talk because I'm not as intimately familiar with men's body issues. But I want my brothers to know that it isn't a six-pack or a 10-inch jimmy that makes a man sexy or worthy of desire. And anyone who makes you feel less than if you lack those things isn't worth your time.

Speaking of men: yes! I'm with that! I'm a boy-crazy feminist and I have no qualms about admitting that. I like men. I love men. I like talking to them, I like flirting with them, I like cooking for them, I like making them smile, I like the way the smell, I like sleeping with them. Sex is one of the great joys of life and it just so happens that I am naturally wired to want it from men. And I want to be wanted, like most everyone else does...including those of y'all who are too high and mighty on their empowerment kick to admit it.

So, all that to say this: yay for sex and yay for sex positivity. Let's all arrive at a place where our sexuality is free and expressed as we see fit! Yes, there is a lot of be done to make that freedom widely available. We have a rape culture to dismantle, we have misogyny and unhealthy cultural mandates policing our bodies, etc, etc. But in the meantime, choose JOY! Choose to delight in yourself and your sexuality! It's yours. Love it.

See Also:
"Single Black Fish Seeks Bicycle"
"The Body Owned"

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