Five For Friday: Films I'm Not F'n With
Please bear with me if the blog looks a little funny today! I am trying to find a new template. -ST
It's Friday up in this piece! Hallelujah! Let's get right in to it, shall we?
Five For Friday: Movies Everyone Else Has Seen But Me
1)Gone With The Wind
It always blows my mind when I hear Black people (ahem, my mother) talk about how this movie is a classic. What? Why in tarnation would I want to see a movie that has slaves as supporting characters? Stereotypical, happy-ass slaves at that! The only slaves I want to see in a movie are of the killing, revolting, pissing-in-Massa's food variety! Miss me with "I don't know nothing about birthing no babies!" That shit would have only been cool if she proceeded to kick said pregnant White woman square in the stomach and yelled out "Problem Solved!"
2)Brown Sugar
Even before Taye Diggs blamed Black women for the demise of his crappy TV shows, I thought he was the corniest shit ever. He fooled me for a second when I thought he was a sexy little Yard bwoy in "How Stella Got Her Groove Back", but his grossness was soon apparent. You know how you KNOW he's wack? You can tell he's short in his movies! All those male actors are short, yet they manage to fool you. Not Taye. He just looks like a wee little bitch.
I got sidetracked. I didn't see this movie because it looked like some bullshit. Taye is the least Hip-Hop dude on the face of the planet. They would have been better off with Mark Paul Gosselar, AKA Zack from Saved By The Bell. He has more swagger.
The title song was hot though!
3) Save The Last Dance
Need I elaborate? Without restating the obvious, let me just say this: as a girl who attended high school in Chicago, I can assue you that we did NOT have people doing "Hip-Hop dance" in the hallway. Why? Because we were cool. I can also tell you, that while I had White female friends in high school, I would NOT have put one of them in a headwrap so she could be "cool" and fit in at a "Hip-Hop" party. There was a White girl at my school who wore a headwrap every day and tried to pass for quadroon, but that is a story for another day.
Die, Julia Styles, die.
Damn this movie! This movie has destroyed a generation of young Black men! This movie is why I am still single! This movie is why every other Black man under the age of 100 thinks he can be a drug kingpin! This movie owes me reparations! Booo! Booo! Boooooooooo!
5) Titanic
This movie held no interest for me. First of all, I don't like stories when I KNOW somebody of importance is gonna die. I don't like being sad. Real life is sad, I want movies to make me feel good. Why couldn't they have wrote a story about a couple that made it, dammit? That horrible Celine Dion song woulda kept me away regardless. "My Heart Will Go On"? Really? Well, glad to know I meant so much to you, bitch!
On behalf of myself, and Lil B. Sure*, I wish you an excellent weekend!
Best,
Sister Toldja
*He's not actually here, but I am sure he would wish you a good weekend. Why? Cause he's that type of guy.
