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A Woman's Life Is Love and a Man's Life Is Making Sorry Excuses?
Sorry no post yesterday; I spent the afternoon sleep in my boss's office. It seems the children gave me an early Christmas present: a virus! Thanks kids. I didn't know you cared. My illness caused me to miss work today and, more importantly, the big staff holiday party. I am so salty about it! You know it would take something serious to keep me from free shrimp and mixed drinks! And given the money-less, present-less, no-fun holiday I'm about to spend in Chicago...I was really looking forward to this. Bah freakin' humbug.
I'll skip Five For Friday and get into this story I promised the other day, because it ties in with my current state of being.
I'll be having a few surgeries in early 2008. Nothing major, but one of them in particular is not the sort of procedure you should come home alone to. When I was telling Sister FD about my health plans she said "Well, you'll come stay with me and I'll take care of you, sweetie!" We are like platonic girlfriends at times. This led to a conversation about how we have to do certain things for one another that we, at one point in time, would have thought we'd have boyfriends to do for us. My homegirls and I are all still young, but I do find it surprising that out of my OG clique of girls from the crib, only one out of the five of us has a man.
I've focused a lot on this blog about the lack of good men out here, but I'd be remiss in mentioning that yes, there are a number of good guys in my target dating demographic (24-35). However, a lot of these guys don't want to settle down with one girl. I think Black mothers deserve a lot of the blame for that, but we'll go there some other time.
Now, I like the group Little Brother. I got put on to them with "The Listening" some years ago. However, like with most male emcees, they have put me off a few times with the way women are treated in their records. It's funny to me how even these cats who are so decidedly different from their mainstream counterparts when it comes to eschewing the talk of guns, drugs and material goods aren't so different when it comes to the ladies. They may not toss bitch and hoe around the same way, but they certainly don't seem to hold the Black woman up in any great esteem either.
Anyway, I was listening to a song on some mixtape the other day when one of the Little Brother cats (I think it was Big Pooh) is talking about being with this woman since they were teens, and then she finds out he's cheating. She packs the kids up to her mother's house and her mother is surprisingly unsympathetic. She tells her daughter that in her 35 year marriage, she's had to turn a blind eye to a lot of stuff. Basically, if the man is treating you well and taking care of the family, suck that shit up. And then the line that made me scream: "A woman's life is love and a man's love is life."
This stirred a few feelings in me. The first was "I FUCKING HATE MEN! I HATE THEM! I HATE THEM! I HATE THEM!!!!!" I then thought, you know, this is some sorry ass shit. What a pathetic and flimsy excuse. The suggestion that a woman should be dutiful and loyal and loving, whilst exercising understanding about the fact that their man expresses his "love for life" by fucking other women....just insane. Insane and pathetic.
Had I never heard this sort of sentiment before, I would have just ignored it. But there are a lot of people, male and female, who seem to think that this sort of foolishness is acceptable. Men are supposed to spread it all around and women are supposed to love them regardless. I think this is a case of embracing stereotypes when convenient. The same way some Black people don't even try to combat their tardiness, they just chalk it up to CP time as if they couldn't stop being late if they wanted to. Just another case of low expectations. If a woman says "He's a man, he can't help himself", then you have absolve his guilt and make yourself feel better about your decision to stick around.
I do have one fear though: I feel like my life (mine, Sister T's, not all of womankind) IS love. Why is getting married and having children (in 7 years) so important to me? Why have I been dreaming about these things since I was a little girl? And is this what I have to look forward to: pretending not to see when my husband creeps out of bed? Sticking around, even if I am the only one who seems to truly be in love, so long as the bills are paid, the kids are fed and I'm treated nicely enough?
So, dear readers, what say you? Is it nature or nurture, this idea that men just can't be dutiful and loyal? Are women wrong for expecting men to want to settle down and be boyfriends and husbands who don't spread themselves around?
Bah humbug, indeed
Sister Toldja
PS- I don't want anyone reading this to think that I am relationship-obsessed. Believe it or not, while I would love to be in a relationship, I'm pretty okay with the fact that I'm not. Especially given that I attract a lot of potentially gay and or violent men these days, it may be for the best.
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I'm surprised this doesn't have the black community talking
When i first heard this statement, i couldn't think of a truer line in a rhyme about black relationships in today's society. And the post above i think really highlights this. I happen to consider myself a "good" guy even though I've had more than my share of playing the field. I know that when it comes down to it I've gotta treat that "special someone" like a queen, and as long as she treats me like a king then i have no problem with settling down and sharing my life with them. I think that the problem with men is that we have a hard time making women "life" for us. And the problem with women is that they have a hard time making their man "love". My folks have been together for over 27 years without infidelity and I can't find a better example of how they've managed to make that rap phrase apply to their lives. It's time the black community stop treating our kings and queens like niggas and bitches and start putting ourselves on a higher pedestal. Women don't demoralize your man, men don't disrespect your women. We gotta value ourselves because right now the man's doing a pretty good job of breaking us apart. (look @ all the interracial/gay ish going on right now)
I would argue that the quote
I would argue that the quote is not an excuse. It is a very simple attempt to illustrate the differences in priorities. The mother was unsympathetic to the daughter but not excusing the actions of he husband. I think it was just to try and make sense of it to the daughter. You may feel that this is terrible but I feel that its true. I am a male and I choose to love life. I've had enough stress with women in the past that ive chosen to take them as they come and wave as they go. I love life, and I love women, but women make choices of their own so i just focus on my life. ya dig? men are constantly pursuing a better life. if a woman is clearly an obstacle to a better life than bounce. i feel that women should do the same. you should not stay together out of obligation.
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